I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
