I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
