If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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