some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
