you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
