I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize