i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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