last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
