if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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