3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
