Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
