Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
