I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
