Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
