Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
