i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
