Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
