This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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