from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
