mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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