I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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