Duck Duck Cougar?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
