theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
