That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
