You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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