I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
