I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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