i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
