Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
