I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just had sex bonerless
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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