I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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