please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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