ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
