it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
