I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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