After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
