I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
