I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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