Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
