You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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