were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
