I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
