Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My cat gives me a boner
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
