All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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