So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
