i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
