I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
