Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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