how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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