Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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