u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
