all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
