i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
