I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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