The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
