I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You made out with two different species that night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
