Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
