woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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