i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
