it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
