You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
