party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish you could order shots online.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
