i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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