smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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