I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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