1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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