I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
