I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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