just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
