just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
