Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
