sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I smell stomach acid.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
