There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize