she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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