half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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