(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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