I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
