Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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