planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
