So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
