I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
