I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
