You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
