is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
